He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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