Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Randomize
