Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
