If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
