i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
