he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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