Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My ass is underappreciated
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
