Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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