Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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