I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
