The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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