I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
