She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
