i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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