Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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