All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
