isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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