So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
