Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
