i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
