Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
