Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
