I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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