you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
