You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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