What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
