You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
