Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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