she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
