if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
