I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
