Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
