Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
