i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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