I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
