Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
