If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
