I am puke
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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