You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
