I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
