Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
