My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
