omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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