I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
