Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
