I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
