the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
