Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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