We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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