He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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