woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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